Today was a bit of a disappointment for me, so instead of bugging my poor sister - she lives in Alaska and I call her for support CONSTANTLY! I decided this is a good a place as any to get out all those thoughts and whining - lol.
So anyway, as I was saying, today was a bit of a disappointment. I took time to do my hair (you know remove all the grey, that keeps sneaking up on me) and do the whole leg shaving thing last night. Gave mom a shower and made sure she was all ready for the am. We were going off to Church!
It didn't happen...
While I was getting ready I noticed my mom was in the bathroom and in and in and in. Then I realized that old problem with the incontinence was plaguing her (and so me) again! There was no way I could take her to Church like that. In fact she was such a mess that another shower was in order.
That is when I realized....we were in Church - it was just a different sort of Church. Not in a building where brother and sister so and so shake your hand and hug you - something I am still shy about lol, but love anyway...
Despite the surroundings we were definitely having Church!
I don't think any one can get closer to God then when they are in the bathroom soaking wet, with a mom who keeps saying; "you are so good to me dear." What a wonderful thing to experience.
It has taken me years to get to the point where I realize that I am grateful to have this time with my mom, and grateful that God is with us in this journey. I am not exactly sure when this changed in me, but it happened only a few short weeks ago and I am just a bit astonished that I was so blind before!
Did I hear angels singing, see hands raised in the air? Of course not - I was wet and soapy and my back hurt - lol - but I did have that sweet time with God and my mom in the shower. If you don't understand this story, that's ok I don't really understand it myself.
I can tell you this, if you are a care giver and feel a bit alone - like life is passing you by - don't, stop it! Who cares if your friends don't understand, if everyone clucks their tongue and says "oh your mom would do so well in a home.". What home? She is home, I am her home!
So OK, my mom isn't the adventurer anymore, but she loves her life as it is...she loves her dogs, her bagels and coffee in the morning and she still puts her earrings on every day. She loves to read the letters her grand-daughter Kelly sends her, talk to me about my dreams of moving with her to Alaska, and is always amazed that I am talking to my sister on the computer!
She appreciates things for the miracles they are.
She is teaching me to be patient and kind and to pray in a way that I never knew existed - so if you ask me what is her purpose - there it is.... Just as she always did,, she is teaching me how to live, to be close to God, to age with dignity and grace and to be content with the little things. That is pretty darn cool for a 91 year old :).
Love ya mom!!!
PS Mom, I am going to wear earrings every day no matter how old I get!
